Tuesday, December 9, 2008

All I want for Christmas.......

Dear Santa:

I know you are in the business of giving.. I love that, don't get me wrong!! I was just wondering if you are capable of working some small, tiny miracles as well. You see, my 18 month old is at a stage where she really likes to do things that, well, drive me insane. I mean, really to the point of craziness. There are just a few things about her behavior I'd like to have tweaked, and I was really hoping you could help me out with this. It's really, really all I want for Christmas..

Here goes..

1.) Could you please make her stop being obsessed with the laundry detergent? I don't like to find her in the laundry room sitting atop a pile of Gain powder detergent. The first time was cute.. the 50th time, not so much.

2.) Could you maybe find a way to prevent her from dumping out and playing with the dog's food and water? It must happen about 10 times a day. Oh, and it would be great if you could also prevent her from slipping and falling in that disgusting mess as well. Dog food smells very gross.

3.) Is there a way you could prevent her from turning off the TV whenever we are watching something she knows we want to see? That would be great.

4.) I'd love it if she would eat something other than M&M's once in a while. That would make both my pediatrician and me happy!!!

5.) Bella has recently become obsessed with my Brillo pads. I used to keep them under my sink (which is the most convenient place to keep them) but have had to hide them in my pantry as of late. I was tired of finding them in our shoes and in the entertainment center. Could you maybe work some magic so I can keep them where I need them?

6.) Here's a biggie. Bella likes to pinch us. Really hard. And she knows what she's doing because when she pinches someone, SHE say's "OUCH"!!! So, if you could make her stop doing that, we'd be much happier and way less bruised.

7.) This is a special request from Elmo, our blind/deaf poodle... 'Yes, I love chocolate, but I am old and cannot tell if there is foil on the chocolate Bella is giving me. Foil covered chocolate is easier to INGEST than to actually DIGEST, if you know what I mean.. could we teach Bella how to peel the chocolate before feeding it to me? Thanks...'

8.) A new set of round doorknobs rather than the handles we have on our doors would be great, since Bella has learned not only to open the door and run outside with Elmo, but also that it makes Mommy run outside like a crazy person to look for her. Seeing Mommy run is funny. Round doorknobs would make life ever so much easier for me... and a lot less humiliating if neighbors happen to be walking by.

9.) Okay- one last thing... could you keep her as sweet and innocent-looking as she is, but take away the mischievous acts? My life would go a whole lot smoother that way, and I wouldn't lose her cuteness!!!

Well, Santa, there it is... all I want for Christmas. I hope it doesn't seem like too much to ask!!


Jen said...

Best. Post. Ever.

The one that made me laugh the hardest was the one about Brillo pads and how you find them in your shoes. That one made me laugh so hard!

Anonymous said...

Well, where do I start. The video was laugh out loud funny - Your kids are impossibly cute. As for Dear Santa, well, you may have to settle for a little bottle of pills for your nerves instead. Thank God she is adorable.