Sunday, December 14, 2008

Snoopy Come Home

I saw this movie when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old.. My parents had gone out for dinner and left my older sister Lisa, my younger sister Jenna and me with a babysitter. We were all Snoopy fans, especially Jenna who carried around a Snoopy for YEARS, until all that was left of it was a gray, bald Snoopy head. But we all loved Snoopy movies, so I am sure our babysitter thought " Yay!!I can put on this show for the girls and I won't have to do anything all night for them.... Groovy!!!!!!" (It was in the 70's of course...)

Oh my goodness, was she wrong...

This movie had the three of us in a crying fit. Seriously, we were inconsolable- and I think for years we all had the "Snoopy Come Home" theme song in our heads. And also the " No Dogs Allowed" song... When I saw that this movie was on TV a few weeks ago I made sure to DVR it... it's such a great movie, but still makes me tear up a bit!!! Get out the Kleenex, Lisa and Jenna!!! :)

( You have to copy and paste it.. sorry!!!)


Out of the mouths of babes....

The other day, Will's best friend had a sleepover at our house. After school, we had to go to a little Christmas party, where Elisa sat on Santa's lap and Bella screamed her head off. Will and his friend went to the Gingerbread Shop during this fiasco, and I gave them each a few dollars to buy a little treat for themselves... They found me after a few minutes, and they were both very excited. They had each bought two little superballs, and the lady at the Gingerbread shop had wrapped them up in a holiday bag. Very cute.

We got back home, and Tyler, (Will's friend) was struggling to carry his backpack, overnight bag, sweatshirt and superball bag. I was helping Elisa and Bella into the house, so Tyler said, "Will! Can you please help me?!" and Will ran over, saw that Tyler needed help carrying something, and said "Okay- I'll grab your ball bag...."

I almost died laughing.....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen..

I am not sure which part cracks me up the most, but I have to admit that putting Elmo in there and watching him dance made me laugh myself into another asthma attack!!!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

All I want for Christmas.......

Dear Santa:

I know you are in the business of giving.. I love that, don't get me wrong!! I was just wondering if you are capable of working some small, tiny miracles as well. You see, my 18 month old is at a stage where she really likes to do things that, well, drive me insane. I mean, really to the point of craziness. There are just a few things about her behavior I'd like to have tweaked, and I was really hoping you could help me out with this. It's really, really all I want for Christmas..

Here goes..

1.) Could you please make her stop being obsessed with the laundry detergent? I don't like to find her in the laundry room sitting atop a pile of Gain powder detergent. The first time was cute.. the 50th time, not so much.

2.) Could you maybe find a way to prevent her from dumping out and playing with the dog's food and water? It must happen about 10 times a day. Oh, and it would be great if you could also prevent her from slipping and falling in that disgusting mess as well. Dog food smells very gross.

3.) Is there a way you could prevent her from turning off the TV whenever we are watching something she knows we want to see? That would be great.

4.) I'd love it if she would eat something other than M&M's once in a while. That would make both my pediatrician and me happy!!!

5.) Bella has recently become obsessed with my Brillo pads. I used to keep them under my sink (which is the most convenient place to keep them) but have had to hide them in my pantry as of late. I was tired of finding them in our shoes and in the entertainment center. Could you maybe work some magic so I can keep them where I need them?

6.) Here's a biggie. Bella likes to pinch us. Really hard. And she knows what she's doing because when she pinches someone, SHE say's "OUCH"!!! So, if you could make her stop doing that, we'd be much happier and way less bruised.

7.) This is a special request from Elmo, our blind/deaf poodle... 'Yes, I love chocolate, but I am old and cannot tell if there is foil on the chocolate Bella is giving me. Foil covered chocolate is easier to INGEST than to actually DIGEST, if you know what I mean.. could we teach Bella how to peel the chocolate before feeding it to me? Thanks...'

8.) A new set of round doorknobs rather than the handles we have on our doors would be great, since Bella has learned not only to open the door and run outside with Elmo, but also that it makes Mommy run outside like a crazy person to look for her. Seeing Mommy run is funny. Round doorknobs would make life ever so much easier for me... and a lot less humiliating if neighbors happen to be walking by.

9.) Okay- one last thing... could you keep her as sweet and innocent-looking as she is, but take away the mischievous acts? My life would go a whole lot smoother that way, and I wouldn't lose her cuteness!!!

Well, Santa, there it is... all I want for Christmas. I hope it doesn't seem like too much to ask!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Hate Dolls

Hate them. So if YOU like dolls, please don't read this post, okay? But I have never liked dolls, even as a kid. I don't like clowns either, but that is a story for another day. Anyways, I try to hide my dislike (fear) of dolls from Elisa, who loves them. She asked for a Baby Chou Chou from Santa, which she will be getting for Christmas. It talks and crawls, and drinks a bottle. We even got her a stroller for it. I'm okay with it because it's hidden away in a closet until Christmas day. I haven't bought her many other dolls, and my parents bought her a Bitty Baby years ago- so she maybe has 3 or 4 of them. She doesn't play with them often, thank God, she likes her princesses and Polly Pockets, and so do I. But every once in a while, she wants to find a baby doll, put it in her stroller and walk it around. I put on a brave face and play along, but I am always looking for the doll to do something weird- I have watched way to many scary movies!!

Sometimes we go to an Amish restaurant that has a huge gift shop upstairs. There is a small room that is FILLED with the most realistic baby dolls I have even seen- from newborn babies to those creepy kid dolls who stand in the corner with their faces to the wall like they've been "bad". UGH- what sick-o made those dolls and who the HELL would want one in their house? And what about the dolls that are 4 feet tall? Elisa wanted one the last time we went to this gift shop, and all I could imagine was waking up and having it standing next to my bed. I know it's an irrational fear, but I can't help it. If that doll was in my house, I would never sleep. Once, when we were in that creepy gift shop room, Jack (who knows how I feel..) said, "Oh my God, Mom, I could SWEAR that doll's head just moved".. I must have looked like I was having a seizure the way I got myself out of there. So, the point is, I hate baby dolls.

So, a few days ago, Bella came out of the playroom with a doll I had not see in a LONG time- I barely even remembered it at all, so I said " Elisa, is this yours?" She said "Yes, I got it when we lived in our old house and I was three." It looks like an okay doll, but you turn on the switch and it makes cooing noises, it says 'Mama" and giggles a little bit. It's mostly just indistinguishable babbling. Last night I was brushing Elisa's teeth and Bella came into the bathroom with the freaking doll. And Elisa said "It got in the light." I didn't know what she meant, so I said " What?" and she says "That's what the doll says.. 'It got in the light'.." and I pressed the doll's stomach (where the button is) and sure enough, after the 3rd time pressing the stomach, it says clear as day, " It got in the light".... WHAT THE !@!#$%^&*??!?! I have goosebumps typing this right now- I swear. I am not lying, I am not imagining it, I am not even trying too hard to hear it. It says "IT GOT IN THE LIGHT"- what does that mean?!?

Needless to say, the doll is in the garbage can in the garage, waiting for pick-up tomorrow morning. The trash guy cannot come soon enough. Now I am re-thinking the purchase of the Baby Chou Chou.. I can just see it being all great for the first few weeks, and then hearing it say something like "Take me for a walk in my new stroller, beyotch!!" I will commit myself to an institution!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

At Long Last......

I finally got around to blogging again.. It's been a while because I tried so hard to post a video (for the first time..)of Jack playing the jazz version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".. a piece his teacher said is one that will "bring him to a new level of expertise" in piano.. He plays it so well, he gives us the goosebumps. I look at his music and wonder how he can possibly READ it, let alone play it and memorize it. It's amazing to me. He's been taking piano lessons now for over 2 years with the best piano teacher in the world. She is very strict, very demanding, but so caring- and so all the boys want to do is please her. I love that... But anyways, I wanted to post a video of Jack playing his piece, but I guess that being the spaz I am, I can't do it. Any tips anyone can give me about how to post videos would be so appreciated!!!! I'll move on now........

We had an AWESOME Thanksgiving week starting out in Disney World in Orlando, and ending up at the Disney Resort on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina. We've been there before, but the kids were younger then.. so this year was different. The boys were able to head off on their own- to play pool, ping-pong, or just explore the place. I am not one to let my kids wander off without me, but I felt completely safe here, and the boys had a blast without their annoying, nerdy Mom hovering over them at all times! A good time was had by all!

When we got back, I had to finish up my house decorating- and one thing I had forgotten about was a lighted snowman I bought on sale last year after Christmas. I set it up, put it on our front porch, and went off to decorate something else. When I came back, I saw Elisa all dressed up, DANCING with this snowman who was just her size. She has been watching WAY too much of her Princess Christmas movies!! But she is so cute, it kills me!!!!

Oh.. and one more thing.. Jack and Will can put on a great Freak Show.... I'm scared.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

"Something just doesn't feel quite right...."

Every Friday afternoon, Elisa has her ballet class. She has been taking this class for almost 2 years now at the YMCA and she LOVES it. She has always had the same teacher, Miss Lauren, and Elisa cannot wait to get to class after school on Fridays.
However, this past Friday was different. A LOT different. In fact, if I knew just how different it was going to be and how many questions I would have to answer regarding this particular ballet class, I would have probably taken her to Friendly's instead for an ice cream.
We got to the YMCA and quickly changed into her leotard, tights and ballet slippers, and ran into the classroom. But wait! Where was Miss Lauren? She wasn't in the classroom like she usually is, but there was a young man in there doing some paperwork. When he looked up, he smiled and told Elisa that he would be her ballet teacher for the next few weeks as Miss Lauren was "away". I don't think Elisa was even fazed by this until he stood up (very gracefully, I might add) and tiptoed over to a table where he put on HIS ballet slippers that were exactly like Elisa's, and took her over to the bar to stretch. I have no idea what was going through my tiny girl's head as this was happening, but she just shot me a "What?!?" look as she followed him. She seemed to do well during the class, and he was great with her, so it all turned out okay. But I know that as we first realized that he was going to be her NEW ballet teacher, our first thought was "Something just doesn't feel right.."

Here's a clip from SNL (on YouTube with Beyonce and Justin Timberlake dancing to her new song 'Single Ladies') that made me may have to copy and paste it.. sorry! But it's worth it....

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I love him to death but he drives me INSANE.

And I'm not even talking about my husband. I am talking about my 9 year old, Will. Don't get me wrong, he's a great kid, very funny and very smart. However, when Will doesn't want to do something (school work or house chores) he puts on a dramatic display that would make Humphrey Bogart jealous. Oh, the dramatics! I am not even kidding a little bit. And it's not even a new trait of his. This is a skill he has honed for, oh, 7 years or so. My sister Lisa experienced it firsthand years ago, when Will was 2, and he was sleeping on the floor with his cousins. He woke up with a bit of a chill, and for the next 3 hours, chanted " I'm cold, I'm freezing, I'm freezing, I'm cold" over and over and freakin OVER again. If you don't believe me, just ask her. She will still say that to him to this day whenever he starts to complain about something.

Last week at Elisa's ballet lessons, Will stated that he was a tad thirsty. When I told him I had no change and a ten dollar bill, making it impossible to use the vending machine, he had a mini-freakout. And by mini, I mean he said "I'm thirsty" about 200 times, and I am not exaggerating at all. He asked me a million times to check the diaper bag for change, he begged me to let him try to get a $1.50 soda using a 10 dollar bill. It went on for the whole class.. 45 minutes. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the stress of listening to it. It was awful.

But tonight, oh tonight, we had the performance to end all performances from Will. He got into the car at pick-up time with a pained look on his face. My first thought (besides 'Oh, CRAP! Here we go..') was that he either was seriously ill, or he has.. gasp....HOMEWORK TO DO. It was homework that was so paining Will. Turns out he was assigned a 'writing prompt' in preparation for the Florida Writes test that every 4th grader has to take and pass to get into 5th grade. The assignment was to write about a chore you have to do at home, and why it's important. Not too hard right? Wrong. What transpired when we got home was 6 hours (I have the piano teacher to prove this) of crying, acting disoriented and confused, saying he doesn't "get it", and complaining that his "nose hurts so bad" ( I was confused about that one too, don't feel bad..) It was the worst temper fit from him I have ever seen. He pulled out all the stops.. his 'nose hurt', his 'knee seemed swollen', he hated the substitute teacher, his friend Ethan ate something inedible in science class, Ethan got sent to the principal, and the whole class had to walk laps at recess all because of Ethan (once again..I was confused by this one as well..)Six hours. Six HOURS. SIX HOURS. Not even kidding a little bit. In fact, usually when I am blogging about a kid incident, I find myself smiling, and sometimes laughing as I type. Not tonight. He's upstairs brushing his teeth, readying himself for bed at my request.
He did end up completing his prompt, and it came out great, but I think he aged me 15 years tonight.... I love him to death but he can drive me up the wall. Like I always say to him, "It's a good thing you're cute!!!"

Friday, October 31, 2008

So, what are you?

After trick-or-treating with the kids tonight, I looked at my kids and realized just how different they all are. Such unique individuals, yet all so perfect in my eyes. So, that leads to a question... are you a Jack?
A Will?
An Elisa?
Or a Bella?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Halloween Party 2008

Every year I throw the kids a little Halloween Party at our house. It's not a huge deal, they each invite 2 or 3 friends, and it's only for a few hours. I love planning it and decorating for it, and the kids get SOOO excited for it too. I never let anyone see the decorations or anything else until after school when the party starts, so they are always suprised!! Last year, we lived in a small house, and looking back now, I'm not really sure how I did it. But this year was different and so much better. The kids had a great time and this year I remembered to take pictures as well (I usually forget..)

So, the kids came in and saw the Halloween house all blown up, the "Caution- Enter if you Dare" tape, and "Halloween Party in Progress" sign. Fred had also taped over the house number, so all it said was '13'

You can't really see much of it, but you get the idea! The next thing they saw when they came in was the spider web that had their goody bags attached- they needed to follow the string to their bag. Normally I'd wait until the end of a party to give out goody bags, but it was very annoying with kids running through the living room with a spider web everywhere!!! So, we did that first..

Can you see Bella with some sort of yellow stick in her hand? Her feet are a blur because she was in full-on frenzy mode trying to figure out how to get through the safety gate and ruin the spider's web- which she eventually did. This was after she had repeatedly emptied ALL of the goody bags I had just filled!

Next was the best part.. we dyed the pool red to look like blood. At first I was nervous because I was afraid it would stain the pool red forever- but after a day it was clear again, and no harm was done- it was so worth it!

Of course all of the kids wanted to go swimming, but I said no only because I was so afraid I would be sending them home from the party with a completely different skin tone than they had when they arrived.

Next they did the standard 'Donut on a String' eating contest... which is always entertaining to watch. Will won but we're pretty sure he cheated.
Please click on this picture just so you can see Will's face... this is what I live with every day. It's like living with a caffeine-crazed monkey.

Then came my FAVORITE part.. having the kids put their hands into buckets of gross things. They all get really freaked out about it, but since this was the 4th year of me doing this, I think they were pretty sure they could guess what the gross things really were. I had Trolls Eyes (frozen cranberries), Werewolf Vomit (chocolate pudding with peas in it), Worms and Maggots (chicken noodle soup with dry rice in it), Bat's Wings (warm leaves of Romaine lettuce), Mummified Toes (peanuts in shells), and Witches Fingernails (dry crunched up pasta). I took them by 2's into The Autopsy Room that was only lit up with a black light and 2 blinking skeletons, and closed the door behind them. What they didn't know was that Fred was hiding in the closet, and when I said "Mummified Toes!" he jumped out and scared the crap out of them. Even my own kids had no idea Fred was home- we told them he was in Tampa. So, when I took Will and his friend into the room, Fred jumped out, scared them, and went back in the closet.. I said " Hey, Will- didn't Dad suprise you? You didn't even know he was home!!" And he looked at me dead serious and said "That was Dad?" As if it would be perfectly acceptable to have a complete stranger jump out of a laundry room closet. Oh, Will...

Anyways, the kids loved that part and it went very well. No one could guess what everything was.. Phew! Next we did the pinata, and then the kids played, ate pizza, and went home!

I was ready to die of exhaustion by the time everyone left, but when my awesome friend Tracy came to pick up her daughter, she offered to watch the kids so Fred and I could go out to dinner. She has no idea of how much I appreciated (and needed) a nice relaxing dinner and a few glasses of wine!! Thanks again sooo much Tracy!!
I hope that they kids had a great time and I can't wait to do it again next year!!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My very own Bitty Baby

I finally got Bella to sleep tonight- and I was just staring at her. She is still so tiny at 16 months, and people still ask me if she's about a year old.. it drives me nuts since I have been explaining (with no real reason to give at all..) that she was very small when she was born.. she was 4 pounds and 14 ounces and she was only 3 weeks early. I am so sick of telling this tale, it's unbelievable. The questions and looks I have gotten since her birth have driven me close to the point of insanity. I have NO FREAKING IDEA why she was so small. But, she was, and I am so glad I was able to capture her smallness on film, since now I can't even comprehend her true 'tininess' (Is that even a word? If not, it should be...)
She is lying next to a Bitty Baby in this picture ( and she is SO P-O'ed to be doing so..) and anyone who has a Bitty Baby knows just how small they are. I also have a picture of her next to a carton of eggs and a banana.. she is just so unbelievably small. But now I look at my baby Bella eating a banana the size of her head and dragging around the same Bitty Baby, and I see how big she is getting. It just kills me.
Why do they have to get big so fast? I look at my kids right now, and I want to freeze them and keep them at these ages forever. I really have the best of all worlds. I have the big kid, Jack- so responsible, caring and kind- showing us a glimpse of the great person he's going to be someday. I have funny, mischievous Will, who keeps us on our toes, but laughing all the time. Elisa who is so smart and funny and beautiful..perfect qualities for a girl.. And baby Bella- cracking us up when she tries to sing along with Barney, and killing us with her cuteness. I wake up with these four great people and I feel like I've won the lottery..........

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

He Pulled the Wool Over my Eyes... AGAIN!

I am talking about my 9 year old boy- Will. He is a riot, very funny, very smart, and very cute. However, Will is a smart ass. If you look up 'smart ass' in the dictionary, there is Will, smiling away. But the problem is, he isn't a smart ass in a fresh, mean-boy way. He's just funny, and wise and very quick with a come-back. I love that quality in a kid. I am not saying he gets away with misbehavior- he doesn't- but we may cut him some slack at times because the way he goes about his misbehavior is clever. He cracks me up.


So, Will and Elisa attend the same elementary school. I was walking each of them into school every day, and after 2 months it got to be too much. See, I'm lazy- I don't like to have to get all gussied up in the morning like most of the other moms here on the ranch. Plus, I walk with Tracy most mornings, so what's the point? I guess I just decided that I could trust Will to make sure that Elisa got to her wing of the school, which is on the opposite side of the building as Will's classroom.

Turns out I was wrong.

If it were Jack, not only would he make sure Elisa got to her classroom, but he'd tidy up the entire room, organize it, and then read the entire Dr. Seuss library to the Kindergarteners. That is just how Jack rolls. I didn't expect Will to put himself out that much, but I did expect him to walk her to her class LIKE HE TOLD ME HE WAS DOING EVERY DAY.

Will is a very social kid- he likes to hang out with his friends before school in the reading room. When I thought he was walking Elisa to class, he was actually making a break for the reading room and leaving my 5 year old baby girl in the dust. I had no idea until this morning..

Will woke up with a really bad, excruciating pain in what I call his "full-o-crap", and like a fool, I bought in to his dramatics and let him stay home. I had to take Elisa to school, so I showered, cancelled my walk with Tracy, and drove her. I wanted to make sure that someone was there to walk her into her classroom just like every day, right? Apparently not. When we got into the school, Elisa looked at me and said " You can leave me right here where Will leaves me..." and I said " What?! We're in the lobby! He leaves you here?"

I had images of Will walking his little sister to her Kindergarten classroom, maybe with his arm around her shoulder, and a " Have a great day, Elisa!" as he delivered her safely to her teacher. Well, I was so wrong. He's abandoning her in the lobby and high-tailing it to the reading room... Tyler awaits...

Needless to say, I had words with Will and he said that he "watches her walk down the hall until she gets to her room". Yeah, sure. Then he promised me he'd never leave her in the lobby again.. I guess we'll have to see!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

People Say The Darndest Things....

I was just reading my friend Jen's blog "True Confessions of a Scrapbooker" and she mentioned that a cashier made a comment that was unnecessary and inappropriate. Why are people so stupid and ignorant sometimes??

Her experience brought me back many years to a time (in the 80's mind you) when I had a cute, short haircut. The 'cute' part may be up for debate, but I liked it at the time. My sister Lisa at "" was with me at a store, where we were waiting to use an ATM that happened to be under repair. (Lisa, who is reading this, is now laughing at this point because she remembers this incident, and enjoys revelling in my pain...) Well, the repair-man looked up to see that there was a line forming behind my sister and me to use the ATM, and so he stood up, looked at us all, pointed towards ME, and said, " You may all line up behind this young man here.." I wanted to die. My sister almost did die in laughter...

Why do people say the stupidest things sometimes???

Monday, October 6, 2008


I was at Walmart (again!) today and bought the cutest pumpkin decorating kit I have ever seen! It's like a Mr. Potato Head for pumpkins, and the kids had so much fun decorating them. It's way easier than carving pumpkins, although we've already done that this year- and I'm sure we'll do it again- but this was a quick, easy and fun thing for them to do. And it was only $3.50 for each kit. Such a bargain!

Sunday, October 5, 2008


I said he'd be creative and I was right. We are confident that there will be no other "evil-gorilla-boy-holding-a-giant-blow-up-hammer" at the R. Dan Nolan Middle School. Phew.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Halloween Preview

Jack has not yet decided what to be for Halloween, and when I took this picture, he wasn't home from school, but I will post a picture of him when he decides. He's very creative, so I have no doubt it will be entertaining to see! Elisa has finally decided to be Belle, and she's very excited! We'll do her hair and make-up so she'll look very fancy, and Will, well apparently by the picture he is going as a skeleton with some kind of genetic deformity. It's a Walmart special- a black hooded sweatshirt with a skeleton printed on it. When the hood is zipped up over his face, there are holes he can see and breathe through. I tried to talk him out of this costume, but his mind was set. Oh well, he loves it.

I finished Bella's costume, and she tried it out today. She looks great. We'll be on our way up to Disney's Not-So-Spooky Halloween Party on Friday. We are all very excited! In Florida, we never have to worry about having to wear a coat over your costume. I dreaded having to do that as a kid. Here, we need to worry about overheating in a costume. I am hoping that it cools off a bit so we don't have a freak out... as depicted here....

That would be bad. And it would go against our family rule: There is NO crying at Disney World.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Bella's Halloween Costume

I didn't know what Bella should be for her "first" Halloween. I know it's not really her first Halloween, but it is the first time she'll be dressing up for it. Last year at this time she was about 8 pounds! I really like to make Halloween costumes- one year I made Spiderman for Jack, and a Power Ranger for Will, and then a few years ago I made a Willy Wonka costume for Will. I am not handy at all with the sewing machine, and there's always a lot of swearing involved at first, but somehow I always get it right. Yesterday I made this pumpkin costume for Bella- it came out so great, and she LOVES it! We'll stuff it with something so it's going to be all puffed out, and she'll wear a black turtleneck and leggings underneath it! But I had to post this picture of it today because she just looked so cute, I couldn't stand it!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

The Birth Order of Children

Today I went to volunteer in Elisa's school because they were having an "Apple Extravaganza".. a party to celebrate all things apple... apple pie, apple cider, bobbing for apples, apple decorating. She had a BLAST. She is the tiniest, sweetest child with the biggest heart, and this was something she had been looking forward to for a few weeks... Today was finally the day, and she was excited because she knew I was coming in to help. She did not fully understand that I would have Bella with me... the 15 month old who refuses to sit in a stroller, lives to make a mess and leave chaos in her wake, and thrives on the very thought of possible destruction. She is a 7 year old boy with ADD in an 18 pound baby girl's body. Not kidding.

I had the opportunity to talk to Elisa's teacher, who, it turns out, I really do like. She ADORES Elisa ( and really, how could you not adore such a sweet child?!) and told me how much she loves having her in her class. As I was talking to her, Bella was trying to reach an apple, but having a dialogue with herself.. " NO, no no!! Stop!..." and throwing the apple. She was running after it, fell down, and I said " Oh, You're okay..." Elisa's teacher looked at me like I should run to her to pick her up. I just said " She's fine, I saw the whole thing happen.. plus she's my fourth child- I know she's alright!" She looked at me and laughed nervously (she does NOT have kids- and isn't expecting one anytime soon as Elisa has confirmed...) A few minutes later, I put Bella down to run around and a lady stepped back and caught herself before she fell onto her. Elisa's teacher was, once again, right there as I said " Oh, she's fine!! Don't worry!!" She looked at me and said " Oh you crack me up!!" But did she mean it like "Oh, you are a cool, laid-back Mom" or " Tonight I am going to call Child Services"?! I don't know. All I know is that every moment I live and breathe is trying to keep my precious kids safe and happy, I AM experienced in this department, and I have 4 awesome kids to prove it!!
Tonight, my friend Debbie sent me an e-mail that shows how you progress through the stages of motherhood and child-rearing, and it completely applies to me! When I went to pick up the kids after school, Bella had a lollipop, dropped it right outside my car, and I picked it up,wiped it on my jeans, and popped it right back in.. You just have to keep things in perspective, and remember... Five second rule!!!


1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.


The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?



1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your first born.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

______________________________________________ ________


1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


1st baby: You change your baby 's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diape r every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.


1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.


Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.


At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

____________________ __________________________________

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I don't scare easily, but....

I was innocently making dinner the other night, and the TV was on in the backround. I heard an ad for Universal's Halloween Horror Nights and started to watch it. OH MY GOD. Had I known that this 30 second clip would scare the CRAP out of me, I would have turned the station. I didn't know that by watching this commercial, I would be sentenced to sleepless nights because I am too scared to go into the bathroom at night to pee! Seriously. My bathroom is covered with mirrors, and I am scared to death.

I never knew of the urban legend about Bloody Mary until last year when a little girl in carpool told us about it.. apparently, if you say the words "Bloody Mary" three times into a mirror (in the dark)she will appear. So, this year, Bloody Mary is a theme at Universal. I know two things for sure, I will not be going to Universal's Halloween Horror nights, and even though I am 38 years old, I will NEVER NEVER say the words "Bloody Mary" into a mirror in the dark. Ever.

YouTube - Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights 18 2008 Commercial Bloody Mary (HQ)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Perfect Tool, continued......

Ok, all you do-it-yourselfers, you are going to be so jealous. I came across this little treasure today when I was trying to fix Elisa's roller skate, and wouldn't you know it, the allen wrench was the ONLY tool that could get the job done. I was worried at first, did I have the right size allen wrench? What if I couldn't find one in our toolbox?? Then I started laughing to myself because our toolbox consists of a hammer that looks like it was meant for a 5 year old, and a couple of screwdrivers, that's it. But never did I expect to find this little cutie lying in there! Think of the possibilities!! I think I could put an addition on this house with all of the allen wrenches I own. I'm the luckiest girl in the world!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Hilarious YouTube Video

Here is a video my friend Jen sent to me- and it is pretty much what my last post was about! Thanks for sending this to me, Jen!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008


That is what I said when our piano teacher suggested the newest piece for the boys to play. I ADORE Linda. She has become a member of my family. I can talk to her about anything- she has seen us at our best, our worst, our most chaotic times. She loves our family and is such a great role model for the kids. But, when she suggested the piece for our next recital, I thought, "Wait.. doesn't she know us? This will NEVER work!" But I trust her, and hope all will be fine. I hope I never have to say "I told you so" to her. I'd hate to have to do it, but I feel it might happen.

She suggested a 'duet' for the boys to play. "Rock Around the Clock" as a DUET for Jack and Will to work on and perfect for the next recital, which will be much bigger than this past weekend. Can you even see it? Can you even picture this going off without a hitch? I can't. Not in my wildest dreams.

Here are two boys who can't brush their teeth at the same sink without a brawl. They can't even enter a car without a sarcastic remark, a sneer, or a snicker. How in the heck are they going to PRACTICE, let alone perfect a piece together and make it acceptable for an audience to hear?

I am not sure what to do. I want to remain positive that it will all work out and we can make Linda proud. But at the same time, I'm a teeny bit afraid. I think I need to use my favorite Noble Pig saying... " Hold me".

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Saturday with the Kids

Today was an extremely busy day for our family. Will had a sleepover at his friend's house, and Jack had friend sleep over at our house, so we were all up late and up early this morning.... Jack and Will had their piano recital at 11:30 this morning, and they did great! Jack played the theme from Star Wars and Will played the Entertainer. I get so freakishly nervous when they go up to play, it's absurd. But they did great, and then we went out to kill some time before a birthday party in the afternoon.

We had to go to Circuit City to buy a new DVD-R player because, I am so excited I can hardly type this, I got some DVDs that I cannot wait to sit down to watch. There was a kid's show in the 70's called Barbapapa, which was about a family of blobs who could "change their shape and sizes, very easily" ( this was in the theme song..) I adored this show, but had forgotten about it. Then last week, we were driving by our old house, and I commented on how the new owner had not been taking care of the topiary I planted, cared for and nurtured. I looked at it and said to Fred, "My God, it looks like a Barbapapa!" and from that moment on, I had to find this show on DVD. Well, I did, and they arrived yesterday. I am so excited. Does anyone remember it but Fred and me? When I asked my neighbor tonight if she knew what it was , she looked at me like I had 3 heads...

We then went out to lunch, which is always exciting with the 4 kids. Bella tries to get out of her seat, one of the kids always spills something, Elisa has to go to the bathroom just as the food arrives. These things happen every time without fail. We went to my favorite Amish restaurant, which is a buffet, so everyone's happy. Elisa ate her noodle and said she was full and wanted dessert. So, I sent her with Fred to get some Munchkins, which is what she decided she wanted. When she got back to the table, Fred said she had asked him for 'midgets' and he didn't know what she was talking about at first, but then he saw the Munchkins, so we were laughing at that. I briefly thought I should explain to her that maybe they like to be called "little donuts" or "hole-challenged donuts", but I held back.

We just went on eating, and Will and Jack were eating everything from the buffet, and then they had ice cream. We were just sitting there, and I notice Will with a weird look on his face, and he was shifting in his seat, arching his back, looking uncomfortable. I gave him a look like "What's wrong with you?" and he said, this is a quote, "I think there's fiber in the water." Jack looked at him and said, "What's fiber? " and Will said, "It's that stuff in apples that makes you go to the bathroom"... I just looked at him and said, "Go to the bathroom, Will" and off he went. Sure, it was fiber in the water- nothing to do with the 3 pounds of food he just put away!!
I swear I get up in the morning and wonder what one of them will say to completely crack me up. They always do!!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

My Near Death Experience

Something happened to me in the Target parking lot today that I thought only happened in cartoons. I parked, got out of the car, and walked around to the back passenger side to get Bella out of her car seat. And I slipped. On a BANANA PEEL. Can you even believe it? I have seen it happen on old sit-coms and cartoons, but never seen it happen to anyone in real life, let alone have it happen to me. And a lady saw the whole thing, and asked if I was okay. All I could muster was an embarrassed " There's a banana peel right there..." I don't know what the proper reaction to slipping on a banana peel is- since I'm not a cartoon character. All I know is that as I was walking into Target after the incident, I was looking up at the sky to be sure an anvil wasn't going to fall on my head.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Lunch Lady Land!

I thought this was very fitting because by now, just about all the kids are back in school. And what would school be without the lunch lady?!? I've come in contact with many kinds of cafeteria workers... from nuns, to the weird guy who said "EENNJOY!" to every single person who came through his line, to the toothless woman with a mole on her back that showed through her uniform. Fortunately, our elementary school lunch ladies are all nice and clean, they have all of their teeth, and I do not think any one of them has gout. I hope you like it!!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Late, LATE night conversation

Last night we had friends from college come over to our house. Needless to say, lots of alcohol was consumed during the course of the evening, leading to this conversation between our friend Matt and Fred at about midnight...

Matt: "Do you have a hot tub?"

Fred: "No...."

Matt: " Well, you could put one in.. see where that palm tree is? You could take out the tree and put a hot tub there..."

Fred: " Do you think it could be done tonight?"

Matt: "Do you have an allen wrench?"

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Best Day Ever!!

That is my favorite SpongeBob episode, however, I am being sarcastic. It was NOT the best day ever. Two things I hate most were the highlights of my day today... excercise and physical injuries. I do not do well with either of these things, at all, ever. I am an enormous baby about both.

I started my day driving the kids to school, and then meeting my friend Tracy for a nice long walk. I always look forward to my walks with her because we laugh and gossip and she's always giving me good tips on restaurants and movies... that is the fun part of the walk. What I do not care for is the pain I feel after it, not to mention I am in a full sweat for a good hour after we part ways.. but I must say that if I HAD to choose only one excercise, it would NOT be the "Dumbbell Squats" or the "Bent-Knee Leg Raises" .. no, no, it would only be the "Walking with Tracy". That's it for me.

So, I think we walked about 6 1/2 miles, and I came in the house to make Bella's lunch. She eats nothing as I have mentioned before, so I had to decide between giving her a piece of Kix cereal, or making a real effort and heating up some Princess Spaghettio's. The Spaghettio's won. As I was opening the can, I was talking to my neighbor Leslie. I put the empty can into my overly filled trashcan.. I pushed down on the trash because it was overflowing, and in the middle of a sentence I said "Oh, crap, Leslie, I have to go, I just cut myself on a can of Spaghettios!!" and I pretty much hung up- it was that bad.

Oh my goodness, it was soooo bad. It bled everywhere.. I think if a detective came into this house with Luminol, the kitchen would light up like a Christmas tree- and I do NOT do well with blood. To make a long story short, I called Fred, he rushed home, drove up on the lawn, got me, and took me to the ER. I cried like a huge baby, and waited for 3 hours to get my 4 stitches.... So, now I have to do everything one handed for 10 days. Such a bummer. It was SO not the best day ever. Sorry, SpongeBob. But I'll see you tomorrow, Tracy!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Gross, But I promised I'd Post It!!!


We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a...

FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occured.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N): A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will eliminate all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an inevitable part of life......

One of My Favorite Commercials Ever...

Maybe you have already heard this one before- I first heard it years ago and it still makes me laugh... This one and the "Work Bathroom Etiquette" are the funniest things I have ever seen- I'll have to post that one too at some point...

YouTube - Delta Airlines Ebonics Commercial

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hurricane Fun with Fay

Well, we're ready.... at least, we're as ready as we'll ever be. We've been through this before, with the all-day weather updates, the school cancellations, the frenzy for gas, water, and plywood. I am kind of over it, although I fear that someday those words will come back and bite me in the ass.
We didn't even know about this impending hurricane until a guy at Target asked us about it. There we were, buying back to school supplies, when I should have been stocking up on canned food, batteries, flash lights and crank radios. In all my ignorance, I was missing out on lining up for gas, plywood, and bottled water. I should have been home getting my insurance papers in order, my prescriptions filled, and my windows taped up, but instead I was trying to decide which protractor and compass would be appropriate for Jack's math class. Maybe I should have watched the news instead of Sesame Street that morning.
We did end up going to BJ's where Fred bought the 1000 pack of granola bars and soup, and we got water, flashlights and batteries. After subsequent trips to the grocery store, I think we now have enough food and water to last us a few weeks. I hope this is all unnecessary- The first year we were here, we had Hurricane Charley, and I was petrified. I don't remember the string of events that led up to this, but at some point the kids and I were in the laundry room with a mattress over us because there was a tornado watch in the area. That scared me to death. Fred was very nonchalant that time, laughing at me as I begged him to join us under the mattress.
Well, it seems, the tables have turned. I am being the nonchalant one, while Fred is in full-on hurricane mode. He was the one who told me stock up on food- so I did, knowing very well that in the event of a huge storm, Elisa and Bella could survive for a week on a single Cheerio. They eat NOTHING, so they are not a worry to me. Yet, I bought Pediasure and baby food to last a month. Every single piece of outside furniture has been brought in. Every flashlight has new batteries, we have a small TV all charged up and ready to go. Fred asked what we should do with our 2 garden hoses, and I said, " Oh, we should secure them- we don't want them flying up and strangling us in a gust of wind....." Maybe my being a smart-ass will come back to haunt me, I really, really hope not. And I hope the fact that I suggested to a friend that maybe Home Depot and the local weather man have a sweet deal all worked out doesn't jinx me. All we can do is wait and see.... oh and maybe go out and buy a generator!!!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Things you don't say to your wife....

This is a funny video a friend sent to me today.. and upon hearing it, I realized that Fred could have done a really good job adding things to this song. He sometimes says things that completely shock me, make me laugh hysterically, or, in some cases, make me not speak to him for a few days.... here's an example..

Years ago, we went to a Dunkin Donuts, and I was pregnant with Will. We ordered, I don't know- I think it was the 500 Munchkin box- ( I gain a LOT of weight when I'm pregnant... it's unreal...) So, I was sitting there in the front seat, fat and happy with my mega-box of Munchkins. And I said (out loud, unfortunately) " Is it me? Or are Munchkins getting smaller and smaller?" And Fred didn't skip a beat and he said, " Or maybe you're just getting bigger and bigger?" And then he burst out laughing....

I didn't speak to him for 2 days...

There are plenty of other examples I could share, but I won't. He IS a nice guy... deep, DEEP down.... :) Here's the song..

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Kids Say the Darndest Things....

I have just about the worst case of laryngitis I have ever had in my life. And that is a huge bummer since this week is really busy, with the kids' Open Houses for school, back to school shopping, seeing people we haven't seen all summer.. being able to speak coherently would be really helpful and convenient right now. I was trying to talk to Jack's teachers, and he was bright red with embarrassment at my attempt at speaking. Sorry, Jack!!!

But at the same time, these precious little guys have said things that have made ME cringe, or laugh, or want to cry with how cute they are... here are a couple that stand out.

My friend Tricia and her daughter Makenzie took Elisa out today for lunch and a movie- and it was the best thing they could have done. I was able to take a nap with the baby while the boys and their friends played Wii. Elisa was gone for 4 hours, and when she came back she was so excited to tell me what she ate at lunch and how much she liked the movie. She saw Kit Kittredge- she loved it- and then they went to Chilis. Where, she said, she ordered "Mackyrony cheese and cornatthecob" . When she said that, I almost died thinking how much I love that little girl. Corn AT the Cob- I just love her!!!!

And then there was the time when Will was about 3 years old and he asked me, completely seriously, for a " Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with no peanut butter and no jelly, just ham and cheese, but no cheese....." He looked me dead in the eye and asked for that... thank God he wasn't with friends in a restaurant!!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Hotel fun with kids.......

We're back! We spent 3 days at Disney with the kids to celebrate the end of summer vacation.. ( actually, the 'celebrate' part was more for Fred and me... Jack and Will are not celebrating this event at all.. ha ha ) We had so much fun... we went to Typhoon Lagoon on Friday and Blizzard Beach today. I am not a waterpark kind of person at all, but it really was a great time!!! However, the most fun we ever have actually occurs in the hotel room itself.... it sounds kind of boring, but my kids ADORE being in hotel rooms. From jumping bed-to-bed, going to the snack machine and the hot tub, this in itself is a theme park!!! Who knew?!? We always get a lot of laughs just watching the kids in the hotel room. Except for one time that stands out in my memory........not a lot of laughing involved here....

When Elisa was about 2 years old, we went to Disney for the weekend with my parents, and we stayed in a nice Sheraton in Orlando. It was perfectly situated... nice restaurants, a pool with a waterslide, a mini-golf course and a Dunkin Donuts nearby. Perfect. After the first fun-filled night, we got up early and Fred told me he'd take the boys to Dunkin Donuts, and he'd be back shortly. So, I took a shower, Elisa watched Dora the Explorer, and I started blow drying my hair. I suddenly heard the hotel room door open, then quickly close. Then no noise whatsoever. Fred couldn't have been back so soon. I realized that Elisa had opened the door and left the hotel room. SO, of course I did what any respectable mother would do.. I went after her... but here's where the 'respectable' part comes into question. I was in my bra and underwear. Only. And once I started out the door and down the hall after her did I realize that AND hear the door click. Only it went like this ..."CLICK!!!"

Fred had the room key, he was on his way to a Dunkin Donuts on a Sunday morning, and I was dressed in MY BRA AND UNDERWEAR locked out of my room with a baby . Needless to say it wasn't a pretty sight. So, I stood in the stairwell with Elisa for 35 long, painfully excruciating minutes .. smiling and nodding kindly to the occasional guest who unfortunately took the stairs instead of the perfectly functioning elevator...

This weekend we had no problems of that kind, but knowing Bella's personality, she'll somehow find a way to embarrass me even more someday... I think she's plotting to do something while I'm actually IN the shower, so I end up in the hallway completely naked. I can tell by the look on her face... she's got in in for me.... :) Of course I'll let you know when it happens!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

My Favorite Fred Story

About 9 years ago, Fred said something so funny that to this day it will still make me break out into hysterics. Even if I am having the crappiest day, I can recount this story in my head and it will still make me laugh so hard. My husband is very funny- he's a quick one, but this one-liner took the cake.

We had spent the entire day in Newport, RI with Jack, then 2 1/2 and Will, who was a tiny baby. I was driving, and I noticed when we were about halfway home that the gas light had come on. We were running on empty... The exits were few and far between and I was convinced we were running on fumes alone. I was terrified. I am a panicker by nature, so I started playing out all kinds of scenarios in my head.. Would Fred have to leave us on the side of the road and walk or hitchhike (!) to the nearest gas station?!? What would happen to the boys and me deserted on the side of the road with no one to protect us??!! I got myself so worked up I could barely breathe, let alone drive.... clearly my brain cells were being deprived of oxygen... you'll see why....

I saw an exit up ahead, I took it, sped up to what I, of course, assumed could only be a gas station, and pulled up to a "pump". I looked at Fred like " WHEW!!! We made it! That was a close one!!!!" But he was just looking at me with a weird look on his face. Without saying a word, he turned, rolled down his window, and said to a gas attendant (remember those?) who WASN'T EVEN THERE......

" Hi!! Could you fill 'er up..... with VANILLA?!?"

We were at a drive-in Dairy Queen.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Paris actually being funny, and she can read!!!

I came across this on Perez Hilton and even though I do not like Paris Hilton much, I thought she was pretty funny in this video. Plus, on, the 'Pearl the Landlord' videos with Will Ferrell are absolutely hysterical!!!

I no longer look like a Webkin!

I know you've lost sleep wondering how I was going to remedy my hair coloring fiasco. I know I did. SO, I wanted you to know I did achieve some, albeit small, level of success. I NEEDED to do something. Whenever I would be talking to the kids I could see that they were staring at my hair, thinking about how ridiculous I looked while ordering them to brush their teeth or take the dog out. I could tell that with my hair such a riduculous hue, I was losing authority. I was not to be taken seriously by them, I was a clown, a freak, a "webkin".

So, I went to Target to get a new haircoloring kit. A blonde one this time, and I came home feeling that it would only be a few short minutes until I was back to normal and in complete control. Well, this kit did nothing. No color change at all. That, in my 18 plus years of do-it-yourself haircoloring has never happened. It was a frightening first. I thought I'd be stuck with gray. But alas, no- I had a highlighting kit as a back-up- I used that AND IT WORKED!! PHEW! I am not saying that my hair looks great now, and by no means is it in a healthy condition, but I look human again. No need for a wig this time, but I came dangerously close. I just wanted to put you out of your misery wondering how I was coping. Thanks for your kind thoughts!!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Family Values

I know this is my second posting today, but something happened that I need to write, or I'll forget.. and I thought it was too funny to ignore. A few weeks ago, I was playing Disney Trivial Pursuit with Will and Jack when I saw that Will had a really REALLY long fingernail. I was alarmed because I usually clip his nails weekly, how could one have grown so disgustingly large? So, without saying a word, I got up to get the clippers and I heard him whisper to Jack " I think she saw it." I said, "Yes, I saw your fingernail. You are gross, and I'm cutting it now." They both started going " No No!! Don't cut it- he's been growing it for so long, we wanted to see how long it could get!!" Apparently, the times I was clipping Will's fingernails, he'd tuck this finger under and distract me, so I missed it altogether. Whatever, I am not going to be nominated for Mom of the Year, big deal. What freaked me out was the fact that when I asked him WHY he was growing this fingernail, he said, and this is a quote, " I needed a goal for this summer."

This was his 'goal'.

I tried to get my kids to read something substantial this summer as a 'goal'- I got Lord of the Flies for Jack ( "Boring", he says) , I tried to make them watch Gone with the Wind with me ("Hogwash!" they cried) In their defense, they did enjoy The Sound of Music, however, they DO NOT like it when I yodel during the marionette scene. At all.

Well, today on the way home from the store, I saw Will looking at his leg again for the zillionth time. I finally asked what was up with that and he said he put a sticker on his leg and wants to see how long it will stay there. "Why?" I asked, but in the back of my head I knew what he was going to say.... " Well, you cut my fingernail off, so I needed a new goal for the summer".

Aim high, my son, aim high!!

Oops, I did it AGAIN, dammit!!!!

I look old. No, It's not just because I am not getting enough sleep (Bella is getting new teeth and is up at night.) No, it's not because we have 2 weeks to get our back to school shopping done and I'm being run ragged. I feel great, I have tons of energy. I guess I look old because I have GRAY HAIR. Not natural gray hair, no... I did this to myself. Not on purpose, believe me. But, seriously, I have been coloring my own hair for years and can count on half a hand how many times it came out a normal, human hair color. Don't you think I would have learned by now? I have had platinum (not a cool, Paris Hilton platinum at all...) dark brown, light brown, and pink (also not on purpose!! It was a horrible accident, I don't want to even think about it..) But gray? I look horrible- Fred hasn't even seen it yet, and I am not even sure how to correct it. My hair is so damaged from the sun, it's not even funny. I think if I put one more chemical in it, I will have no other option but to buy a wig. Elisa saw me this morning and was staring at me- when I asked her what she was thinking, she said "I think your hair doesn't look good..." Sweet, huh? She continues, "It looks kind of black". I said, " I know I know- I'll fix it!" She walked away and came back with her new panda Webkin and told me I had hair like her panda's hair. I love how kids tell it like it is, don't you? If only we could all be that honest and get away with it!!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Public Service Announcement

I was at a really gross Walmart today. Some are bad, but this one is exceptionally gross. I know, by reading local police blogs, that there is a 'mysterious woman' who comes into the store and apparently urinates in the aisles. I have no idea which aisle she pees in, but I have read that it happens "repeatedly".....Really, REALLY gross. But I have to go there because Jack takes guitar lessons near this particular store. So, I am shopping there in the grocery section, and a woman spills an entire box of blueberries all over the wet and disgusting mat that is in front of the refrigerated produce. I watched in complete horror as she PICKED THEM UP, PUT THEM BACK IN THE BOX AND PLACED THEM BACK ON THE SHELF. Yes, you read that right. So please, wash your "fresh" produce when you get it home. You never know who may have peed on it.

First Post

I thought, to start out, I'd explain the title of my blog. Some of you may remember that in the 80's, and maybe early 90's (I'm not sure) there was a skit on Saturday Night Live called Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey. It was hilarious. Just random thoughts and comments on things that really meant nothing. I thought that would be a great title for my blog- I have four kids- Jack is 12, Will is 9, Elisa is just about 5 and Bella is 13 months- and believe me, I get a whole lot of comments and random questions from them that are hilarious, but are very 'Jack Handey'. I just thought I'd share them with you!!!!